Decarboxylate the herb first, I looked at the directions. Place on a tray leaving space between the buds — do not crowd. Preheat the oven to 250 degrees then cook for approximately 25 minutes. Keep a close eye stirring occasionally for even toasting and to ensure that the herb does not burn.

I spread the loose buds as directed and opened the oven door to a mini tornado. The air from the convection fan threatened to blow the weed all over the apartment. No one had mentioned that. I closed the oven door and searched for the control to turn off the fan. Satisfied that it was off, I rechecked the temperature, opened the door and added the tray.
I set the timer for 25 minutes and sat down. Five minutes later I was up to check the progress, then again five minutes after that.

It was about then that I noticed the strong odour; I looked through the window at the toasting weed; it was doing nothing untoward, but, clearly that was where the odour originated. The smell grew; it snaked through the apartment and permeated everything. I switched on the hood fan. I opened the door to the balcony. Great! I thought as the odour wafted to every corner. The place is going to smell like a cannabis grow-op. Just f—ing great!
A check of the timer revealed that there was still 10 minutes. It would be hyperbole to suggest that it was the longest 10 minutes of my life. But, it would make the top 10. Ding! Finally!
If I’d thought the odour from the baking was intense, that first few minutes of it cooling on the cook-top might have cracked the top 5.

Let it cool completely; while it cools mix the other ingredients and preheat the oven to 325°. Depending on the strength of your cannabis you’ll need one-half to one teaspoonful per muffin; makes 12. As I measured out and added 12 teaspoonfuls, I thought what am I, a lab? I’ll use portion control, I said to myself.

Batter made and muffin cups filled, I popped them into the oven. No felonious odour this time, just the sweet smell of home-baked goods. The timer signalled the end of the baking cycle, and I retrieved the muffins. They smelled delicious; no hint of the strong grow-op smell from earlier.
I let them cool, not completely, after all, who can resist warm muffins.

Ignoring my well intention vow of “portion control”, I was pretty soon licking the crumbs off my fingers as I finished the first muffin. I sat back waiting for that calming buzz. Five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen — nothing.
I seldom use my computer when high; the words take on a three-dimensional quality that’s hard to read, but, here I was. This was different; it could be described as… I searched for a word, and that word was ‘Nothing.’

Fully thirty minutes after ingesting the muffin, my foray into edibles had delivered nothing more than wonderful fresh baked goods. Failure or not, they were delicious muffins, I had another.

Ten minutes later, I wanted something to hang onto.

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